Time : 0958am
Jgn memandai-mandai say that I'm in love with someone else. If I really am, I can't be bothered updating this blogs abt you. You know that I would wait forever for you. But bcos u always emphasised, always making it a point for to understand that we can never be together. And now ur telling me that u cannot ask me to wait any longer. Sungguh aku tak paham. Sekejap u ckp can't be together, the next moment u said u tak nak I tunggu u lebih lame.Ape yg u nak sebenarnye? Ur confusion is making me confused. I'm giving Fi a chance, because he deserves one, and I deserve to be treated well, and be purely happy. U think its so easy for me to love another person and forget that u ever existed? Ur wrong Eddy. I'm not one to forget easily. What we had was more den beautiful, u know that so don't deny it. How can I force myself to forget sumthing that was so wonderful, so beautiful, and seemed so right at that moment? I can't simply do that. Dun assume that with Fi around me all the time, I never think of u. Thats bullshit. I should be thankful to Fi, bcos he has been very patient with me, he knows it whenever I start to think abt u, and he would listen to me readily, even if its abt me missing u. He never force me to forget abt u, always asking me to do it slowly, always there at the end of the day, everyday, just to make sure I'm moving on fine. And yet here I am,every night wondering and thinking you. Where are you? How are you and how was work? U probably think that I'm happily moving on without u by my side. I am happy I admit, but I am happier with you by my side. Mmg betul, I kekadang tak fikirkan u pasal Fi tolong I, tapi jgn anggap semuer nye dgn pertolongan Fi. Kata2 u yg masih melekat diingatan, yg menjadi dorongan besar for me to move on. Ur words "We cannot be together. Paham?!" still in my mind very vividly, as if I got it yesterday. Those words, words that hurt my fragile heart so much, I swallowed with my own pride. I use those words to keep on telling myself, no point for me to wait, no point for me suffer more. Those words played a huge character in my life. So don't ever think that I'm using another man to forget the man that I still love. Ur words, those simple but harsh words, are my drive to move on. Bukan u je yg paksa kan diri tak nak contact, I pun sama. Tak senang, tapi apekan daya, ni semuer kerana I masih sayangkan you Eddy. I can still choose to live in misery if u would let me wait for you tapi I harap u tau that ape yang I buat skr, utk melupakan u, segalanye I buat utk kehendakan u. Fahamkan lah tu semuer, dan jgn pernah sesekali fikir yang dalam masa ni, I dah tak sayangkan u lagi. I wish it was that easy, but it will never be easy.
:::BeLLe:::
Time : 1035am
Let me whisper... I love you...