Its been a week or so since I last updated my blog. Been busy with life with more complicated issues than ever... prob after another but I still take them in.Ive constipated for a week, but after my doc gave me some drinking solution to help me clear my bowels, I finally had my first motion at 8pm last night. Haha.. wat a topic. But yeah, it was torture. But that was the only time I passed, nothing more after dat. bummerz.
Me and Eddy met up last Friday, we went to my bestie's bday chalet. We had a great time together. We behaved just like any other couple would. We spent the night together. But I do admit, there were times wen my mind drifted off to someone else.
I'm confused. Fi had always been there for me way before Eddy and I got together. Everytime whenever I had an arguement with Eddy, Fi will be there, encouraging me, advicing me, and alwys reminding me to be patient, dat everything will be alright soon. So when I had this latest conflict with Eddy, as usual I turned to Fi again. As expected, he adviced me, kept on telling me to be patient. and when I told him abt the one mth deal that I had planned with Eddy, Fi kept on telling to go for it, life's a gamble, a risk that u have to take. U will never know wat will happen until u take the dive. And the only ppl who knew so much of my sufferings are my besties, Kak Aishah and Fi. Inlcuding Fi, I met these ppl almost everyday, nad they will get an update progress of situation between me and Eddy.
But as for my meeting with Fi, the more we meet up, whether its just the 2 of us, or with Ida & irfan, things are slowly beginning to change. We both know it, we both felt it. But we both know that its not right. Fi knows that I still love Eddy, I really do, even as I'm typing this, so he's not pushing things. At first I was afraid that this could be a rebound, and prolly won't last for long. But the longer I dragged it, the more I felt that I was only lying to myself.
Fi still assumes that I'm still going ahead for the 1 mth deal with Eddy. Wat he doesn't know that Eddy and I haven't bn in contact since last Saturday morning. When I called Eddy earlier today, he was still sleeping, and a few moments ago, I saw Eddy loggin into msn, I waited for him to msn me, which he didn't and finally he log out. I'm disappointed in Eddy. We agreed for this deal, and yet I've heard nothing from him. I feel so stupid for wanting him back badly.
Ppl are telling me to go for it with Fi, but take it slow, since I still Eddy & still recovering from the fall. Alas, Fi expressed his true feelings for me last night. It was really unexpected bcos, both of us had been holding it back.
Now dat Eddy is really fading away further from me, I guess I really ought to let him go. Fi ever hinted to me to take the risk with him... Maybe I shud get to know him better, give him a chance to show me who he really is. Somewhere in my heart, where Eddy still sits, I am still waiting for Eddy to call me and continue the 1 mth deal, but if there's nothing, why am I still waiting...? haiz... becos I still love him that why... somehow, I need to move on. And I hope and pray that Fi is not just a rebound for me.
:::BeLLe:::
Let me whisper... I love you...