:::In Love With Two:::
I know both guys have access to this blog. And I know that I risk losing either one, or maybe even both of you by witing in this blog.
Fie, I love you my dear. Eddy, I love you more den I love Fie. Mayb its becos wat we shared was out of the ordinary. Fie, I'm loving you more and more. You're giving me all that Eddy has never given me.
And this is where it stops. I can't seem to go with the flow with Fie, bcos I know that Eddy still loves me. And I can't seem to go back with Eddy, bcos I am happy with Fie.
Love. Or Happiness.
As I'm thinking abt wat exactly I shud write in this blog, I'm thinking abt all the pros and cons of each choice that I were to make. Ppl always say, follow your heart. My heart says Eddy. But I don't have the confidence anymore, Eddy. You think that you were there for me all the time. Look and think back hard Eddy. Were you there whenever I needed you? I understand that you need to work most of the time. But once ur done working, you'll be too tired to meet. We only meet once a week dear, tu pun susah nak jumpa. Yet, I agree, we spent more time on the phone, every day every night. But you have this habit of menghilangkan diri. SUmtimes, it could just be so difficult to know where u are, like a waiting game, for a call or sms from you. Yes, when we meet, we were prolly the most happiest couple on earth, no disgreements or arguements, forever laughing as if we are the only 2 on this surface of the earth. That is when we meet, which is only once a week. Den for the rest of the week, God knows wat you would be doing. Im not trying to say that all blame is on you. I admit, I crave for time that you can never afford to give me. I work office hours, and u are on 3-11 afternoon shift. I shud have understand more dat its not always easy for us to meet. I know that I obssessed when it comes to knowing where you are, whom you are with, But as a girlfriend, I figure that I have the right to know that. Correct me if I'm wrong Eddy, but you are afraid of commitment right?
Fie, I never knew that from the first time we meet, things would turn out this way. I had always see you as someone I can turn to whenever I'm feeling down from day one dat I know you. But slowly our friendship became sumthing else. And feelings developed. I do admit, dat there many times, when we are together, I think abt Eddy and the memories dat he and I had together. You were right when u say that I'm feeling 50-50 with you. I guess its bcos I still love Eddy. I'm grateful to you for being understanding and patient with me. When I think about us, I am sure that we can work things out between ourselves. We seem to understand each other very well, and we are the type who would focus a lot on each other's partners. I'm glad that none of us is pushing in our friendship/relationship. I know u still need time to really love someone. And I still need time to be sure of wat I want. We spent time together 5-6 days a week. We are happy most of the times, Yes we argue once in a while, but its normal for ppl to argue, and our arguements never last for more den an hour (gaduh ape sak tu..). I am convince that you are someone who can give the happiness that I need, the attention that I crave and the love that I longed for. Elders always tell me, "Untuk perempuan, carik lah lelaki yang sayang kan kiter lebih dari kiter sayangkan dier". I am sure you can do that. But right now, I'm just hoping that you won't give up soon. And I hope that we will get what we both are aiming for at this moment.
So happiness or love?
Haiz... I know wat I need, but wat I want is making all these complicated...
I donno wat time I start writing this blog. But as I'm done doing this, time is 2:59pm.
:::BeLLe:::
Let me whisper... I love you...