Tmr is the last day for fasting, and the day after will be Hari Raya. It has not really sink in that hari raya is approaching. Wen I hear those good ol' songs, and the commercials on TV, it just seems to me just like another festive season. But I know very well that wen I hear the takbir bergemar tmr eve, den only reality will hit me... Things haven't bn going on well for me since 1st day of fasting. Me and my guy broke up, got into a huge mess with our parents. There's bn so much pressure on me & my guy, driving us nuts at times. Ever since den, things haven't been going on so well for me.
I've got myself 5 new baju for this yr raya, but sadly only 2 fits perfectly. 2 of the other 3 dat don fit, was tailored made for me. However, body measuring was taken b4 fasting. So already I Wasn't eating much, but bcosof the probs I had in my r'ship, my appetite has gone down more. I can actually fit into 2 of my very old pair of jeans!!! well, dats the gd news lah. The bad news is that, I just realised today that wen I tried on the tailored baju, it was VERY loose. Sumthing which was made to be body hugging doesn't look good on you if there's so much of loose space here & there. And cos the day after is Raya, I dun think there'd be enough time for the tailor to alter the baju. Den one of the other baju, which was bought some time ago (which I hadn' t try on until today), well, the kain is kinda singkat... bummer... the thing abt standing at 1.7m is that sumtimes, u simply can't fit into a one size fits all kind of clothings... well, so now down with just 2 baju, but fortunately my baju from the previous years still fits....
At this point of time, I'm glad that I'm blessed with a happy home with my happy family and cat. But yet, as the festive is approaching, I still feel sumthing missing. Helping my mum clean the house for Raya has help me not to think much abt my situation with my bf now. I wonder how is he doing now.... Haven't heard from him the whole day today. Really miss him. Miss our time together... If he still doesn't call or sms me by Raya, I'll be sad. Very very sad... But I will need to put on a smile for my family & relatives... My cousins, uncles & aunties... I'm sure they will be looking forwards for my dumb jokes & funny acts, as much as I'm looking forward to hear the laughters... Just sumthing I do to make sure that ppl won't know how I'm actually feeling... that mask on this face. I pray to God that I will be strong enough to go thru the day. Just that one day...
B.e.L.L.e
Let me whisper... I love you...